The Truth About Your Emotions: Part 2

If you missed Part 1 of this series, "The Truth About Your Emotions," please check it out here and then come back to this post.

Maya Angelou’s timeless wisdom that “When you know better, you do better,” becomes reality when knowledge is paired with mindful action.

That's why I've added part 2 with actionable steps to help process "difficult" emotions when life triggers you—whether it's blubbering fits of anger, weepy tears, mind-rattling frustration, or any other emotion on the spectrum. And we all know, there are plenty.

Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, a Harvard brain scientist, explains:

"When a person has a reaction to something in their environment, there's a 90-second chemical process that happens in the body. After that, any remaining emotional response is just the person choosing to stay in that emotional loop."

This means that any emotion that lingers beyond the initial 90 seconds stems from your thoughts re-triggering the experience, further embedding the emotions deeper into your subconscious for future reference. These embedded emotions act like warning signals, linking to past events or making assumptions about future possibilities.

Your brain and nervous system have a full-time security job trying to keep you safe, hence the hard-wiring for seeking comfort. This shines a light on why we can get stuck so easily in emotional loops and repeat the same old storylines.

We rarely consciously "choose" to stay in uncomfortable emotions. It's an unconscious response, so don't beat yourself up for this—it's part of being human.

What matters is knowing—and acting on—the conscious choice to transmute the suffering into a blessing (or at least something more constructive) when prickly emotions wreak havoc on how you think, act, and feel. Victim mentality will only hold you hostage in a prison of your own making. You have to choose to break free and take action.

Important Caveat on Emotional Processing:

Nuance is real. Sometimes biology is at play (hello, hormones). The mind-body is complex.

Our mind loves to “know” everything, so we can {try to} make sense of things and feel safe, but it’s also ok to not know. Adding layers of context (cultural, astrological, biological, whatever) can certainly help—but processing emotions is the most useful.

I’ve made room for nuance in places, but my no means does it cover everything.

If you're thinking, now what?

What do you do when you feel triggered and are utterly consumed with big emotions?

F.A.C.E. It: Emotional Freedom in 4 Simple Steps

１FEEL the physical sensations of your emotions

Simply notice the physical sensations you’re experiencing without attaching to the story. While many experts recommend labeling the emotion, I encourage you to skip the labels. Applying labels only adds further meaning and stories that you're trying to overcome and release.

Intellectualizing it won't complete the process.

Instead, focus on the physical sensation and become familiar with your body's cues.

Is it warm, tingly, tense? Is there an image or sound? Notice what, where, and how you sense it. Emotions are messengers; get more familiar with how your body communicates with you.

It may feel totally uncomfortable or even unnatural to be with your emotion/sensations, but it’s part of the release process. Avoid suppressing or rationalizing them and let it move. A good cry, feels good afterwards–am I right?

Somatic practices—like shaking your body, grounding, belly breathing, making audible sounds (a hum or even a scream), tapping your body, giving yourself a hug, or swaying and rocking—are all great ways to release the energy of emotions. It doesn’t need to look a certain way; it just needs to be guided from your body and feel helpful to let it go.

２ ACCEPT that there's a positive purpose for this emotion

You can't change the past; you can only change the present.

Some emotions can be deeply uncomfortable, but accepting their presence will help you release them more easily. As the saying goes, "What you resist persists."

Ask yourself, "How is this emotion affecting your sense of self, relationships, and life? What needs to change? What old stories need resolution or rewriting? How do you want to move forward?"

Acknowledge the part of you that feels this way without judgment so you can learn from it and then let it go.

There is freedom in the release, but there is also a positive purpose– I like to think of it as a blessing in disguise.

Insert Nuance: Remember, when it comes to emotions, your brain is making a prediction about how you should feel based on what's going on. It's okay to cry and grieve if you've lost a loved one. You don't need to learn anything from that, but you also don't want to stay stuck in grief (a larger topic for another day).

Flipping the script to find the positive purpose:

Angry because a friend or partner let you down? Can you voice your needs more clearly, nurture yourself first, or establish healthy boundaries to make your expectations clear?

Frustrated with a family member who repeatedly makes poor decisions? Maybe it’s time to stop trying to control others and instead accept and embrace them for who they are? Perhaps you’re breaking a generational pattern that has been wreaking havoc for decades?

Jealous of a friend’s success? How is this showing you what you want to create in your own life?

Disappointed about a career setback or rejection? What needs to be reassessed, refined, or reconfigured?

By releasing these emotions, what are you more available for now? Can you access more joy, love, freedom, or peace without that old energy looping around within you?

It may not always be clear in the moment, but there’s almost always a positive purpose hidden underneath.

３CLAIM responsibility for your part + consciously COMMUNICATE

This step involves taking responsibility for your own actions and consciously communicating (whether to others or to yourself) what’s needed.

When big emotions are involved, remember that multiple perspectives exist. Think of it as many truths living simultaneously. Of course, everyone believes their perspective is THE truth, but that's usually not the case.

Own your experience and be open to other viewpoints, even if you don't agree. Communicate your experience without blaming or shaming others, and be open to what unfolds.

Perhaps unhealthy relationships will dissolve and make space for new ones, or maybe a deeper understanding will take the dynamic to a whole new level? The more open you are, the more information you'll receive that can benefit everyone involved.

４ EMBRACE what’s productive and useful to move forward

The insight you gain from your emotions can help you determine what's useful for moving forward in different situations. Let go of the past…it’s over now.

To consider:

• How can you prevent similar situations in the future?

• What do you need to say, do, or who do you need to be in order to transform this into something positive?

• What's the best outcome that can result from this? What action, response, or move would make you proud/content/satisfied? Take that step!

Journaling this process helps embed a new perspective into your subconscious, empowering you to take mindful steps toward necessary habit changes and improved communication.

Insert Nuance: You also don’t need to make everything a lesson. You can also just release and move forward.

And finally, life is a full spectrum of highs, lows, and lots of stops in between.

If you find yourself landsliding from your own personal emotional floods, try the F.A.C.E. it process. It helps disrupt old and in-the-moment patterns, behaviors, and emotions that are churning on repeat.

It can be challenging to pause when you're triggered or in a charged moment, but the more you practice learning your body’s cues, the more habitual it becomes to take a moment to process and release when you start to feel those sensations.

The higher your emotional intelligence, the more empowered your life will be.

Do you want to build more emotional resilience and bring your best self forward?

Ready to release old emotional baggage so you can live with more easy, joy, and freedom?

Book a Clarity Call to explore options for working 1:1.