The Importance of Mastering Your Emotions

Last month I was in Puerto Rico with my family. My mother-in-law passed almost two years ago and we spent a bit of time this visit combing through boxes of old photos, love letters, housewares, and souvenirs. At times it felt like a radical time warp . . . a sort of subdued version of Hot Tub Time Machine 😄

There is nothing like birth and death to remind you just how paradoxical life can be. The journey through her past brought up some of my own baggage and stories.

Where am I holding back? What am I not doing that I want to be doing? At the end of my life, what do I want to leave behind? Would I someday regret the decision not to give birth to my own children?  Who will go through my belongings?

As I focused on being present for my husband's grieving process, my own emotions of uncertainty gained momentum. Sadness, grief, and overwhelm whirled around as the day went on. Needless to say, what you resist, persists. So I was not surprised when the emotional wave peaked in a deep soul-cleansing cry later that evening.

😭 You know the kind of cry where your words don't make sense—you've got the ugly face going, and it feels hard to breathe?

I fully felt these emotions, breathing slowly and deeply to regulate my nervous system. Once I got out of emotional fifth gear and into neutral (aka the present 🎯), I was able to detangle the fictional cobwebs 🕸 in my mind with my husband and identify and separate reality from my stories.

What is the truth and what is not? Where is my subconscious telling stories and making meaning that isn’t actually real right NOW?

That night, I slept like a baby and woke up the next morning ready to take on the day.

You see, emotions show up with the intent to create action.

Your primal 🧠 doesn’t know the difference between real and imagined threats. So when perceived threats (aka emotions) show up, your brain focuses on trying to get you back into safe and cozy mode. Although emotions can feel excruciating, they serve a positive purpose.

The good cry moved some energy, but I didn’t need it to feel better.

My emotions weren’t the problem, they were merely how my subconscious processed the stories and worries going on in my mind.

A Case for Higher EQ

By turning my subconscious tools inward, I was able to take what was useful and leave the rest.

There was no need or use to keep playing out the stories and the what-ifs. And I didn’t need to keep recycling perceived regret. (Really, WTF? Who would want to go down that rabbit hole with no end?). What I did need was to honor my emotions and extract the truth.

Life is a living paradox: sweet and painful, precious and flawed, easy and hard.

With high EQ (”emotional intelligence”) you are able to navigate highs and lows from an empowered place. Each and every new life circumstance doesn't send you into days of moping around or lashing out in an angry mess.

You are the driving force of your life, thoughts, & behavior 

EQ enables you to discern the real from the imagined. Your emotional triggers become your allies and you are able to explore how those unconscious parts of you play into your stories. You get to decide what to do and how to get what you want.

Lately, I’ve been delving into the EQ realm of triggers and emotions in my stories on Instagram. This is through the lens of the subconscious and it's very different anything we're usually taught. If you aren’t there already, I invite you to join the conversation.