The Truth About Emotions & How to Manage Them (Part 2)

The Truth About Your Emotions: Part 2

If you missed Part 1 of this series, "The Truth About Your Emotions," please check it out here and then come back to this post.

When you know better, do better.

Now that you have learned more about emotions (because you read Part 1 😉), it's time to understand how to deal with emotional outbursts that you want to overcome.

Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, a Harvard brain scientist, explains:

"When a person has a reaction to something in their environment, there's a 90-second chemical process that happens in the body. After that, any remaining emotional response is just the person choosing to stay in that emotional loop."

This means that any emotion felt beyond the initial 90 seconds is actually the result of your own thoughts re-stimulating the experience, which embeds the emotions deeper into your subconscious for future referencing. This explains why it's easy to get caught in emotional loops and old stories.

I want to add that we usually don't consciously "choose" to stay in the emotion as it's an unconscious response. Don't beat yourself up for having feelings. However, we can consciously choose to do some deep inner work when we experiencing negative or uncomfortable emotions.

If you're thinking now what? What do you do when you feel triggered?

Here is where my 4-step F.A.C.E. it process takes effect.:

１FEEL the physical sensation of your emotions

Without attaching stories to them, simply notice the physical sensation you're experiencing. Many advise labeling the feeling, but I suggest not bothering to label it. Applying labels only adds further meaning and stories that we're trying to overcome and release. Instead, focus on the physical sensation and become familiar with your body's cues without using labels.

Essentially, you're letting the emotions move through you instead of suppressing or rationalizing them.

２ ACCEPT that there's a positive purpose for this emotion

Remember, you can't change the past; you can only change the present.

Ask yourself, "What needs to change? What is being threatened? What old stories or experiences need to be resolved?" Can you acknowledge the part of you that feels this way without judgment so you can learn from it? Some emotions can be really uncomfortable, but accepting them will help you release them more easily. As the saying goes, "What you resist persists."

３CLAIM responsibility for your part + consciously communicate

This step is about taking responsibility for your own actions and consciously communicating. When emotions are involved, there are multiple perspectives to consider. Think of it as there being many truths. Of course, everyone believes their perspective is the truth, but that's usually not the case. Own your experience and be open to other viewpoints, even if you don't agree. Communicate your experience without blaming or shaming others, and be open to what unfolds.

Perhaps unhealthy relationships will dissolve and make space for new ones, or maybe a deeper understanding will take the dynamic to a whole new level? The more open you are, the more information you'll receive that can benefit everyone involved.

４ EMBRACE what’s productive and useful to move forward

Remember, the lessons you learn from your emotions can help you determine what's useful for moving forward in different situations. Let go of the past.

How can you prevent similar situations in the future? What do you need to say, do, or who do you need to be in order to transform this into something positive? What's the best outcome that can result from this? What action, response, or move would make you proud? Take that step!

The F.A.C.E. technique is most beneficial for disrupting old patterns, behaviors, and emotions. Keep in mind that it doesn't exist in a vacuum, so consider nuance and adjust as needed, but take ownership of your part!

Important Caveat:

Remember, when it comes to emotions, your brain is making a prediction about how you should feel based on what's going on. This means it's okay to cry if you've lost a loved one. You don't need to learn anything from that, but you also don't need to get stuck in grief. This is a larger topic for another day.

The next time you're triggered, consider the following:

It can be challenging to pause when you're triggered or in a charged moment, but the more you practice this, the more habitual it becomes to take a moment when you start to feel those sensations.

The higher your emotional intelligence, the more empowered you will be. ⭐️👏🙌🏼

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